When I last posted about being a bit rattled when Cavi threw in a huge buck, there seemed to be a sense of relief from other riders that I would feel that way too. So today’s blog is about being human, which despite what we wish, we are only human at the end of the day. There are a few topics and a bit of a ramble but bear with me…

As much as I try to be a good role model because I am a coach and a judge, I am only human and there are days when I feel scared / depressed / unmotivated.

When we ride, I think it is quite normal to feel nervous or be a little scared at times. In the recent Women Can Coach Symposium, I listened to Philip Lew talk about “Maximising Champion Mindset in Sports Psychology” and he said that nerves or feeling scared is quite normal but it is our perception of it and how we cope with it that is important.

I have had my share of bad falls. This makes me a little more cautious or defensive at times in my riding. There are times when I am scared. How I deal with it is by using a few methods such as visualisation, positive self talk, making sure I am best prepared (for example, if I know a horse has not been worked for a few days, I will probably lunge it first before getting on), working with my coach, etc.

What I try not to do is to let the fear get the best of me, IF it is not a reasonable fear. I cannot keep thinking that Cavi may buck or that I may fall off when jumping. You know what? Dealing with horses, riding horses and jumping fences – those 2 things will probably happen at some stage. I have accepted that getting hurt is a part of my career and the only thing I can do is adopt safety procedures and minimise risk as much as possible.

As a coach, I understand that my students have anxieties and fears. I will try and work them through it but there are also times when I have to recognise that I cannot help them any more. I have referred some riders to a lady in the UK called Jo Cooper  who works with riders to overcome their fears. As a coach, do not be afraid to admit that it is beyond your skill set to fix a certain issue.

Another thing too is that social media can be misleading. We see these riders jumping huge fences / doing perfect dressage tests / having perfect bodies and we think wow! What they may not show you is the bad days they have, the days where they fall off, where their dressage test goes pear shaped or the amount of times they had to take that photo to get the “perfect body” shot.

We women give ourselves such a hard time about our bodies. Recently a young adult commented that she wanted to drop 4 kg and have a thigh gap. There was nothing wrong with her current body weight / shape. She is capable of riding difficult horses and doing heavy stable work which means she is a strong healthy person.

This is where social media does not help – how many photos are photo shopped, how many people only post photos using filters, how many photos had to be taken before the perfect shot was achieved? We should learn to be more grateful about what our body can do for us, instead of giving it a hard time every time we look in the mirror. Note to self here too!

Expectation or what is seen on social media

Since Covid came about, everyone around the world has had a pretty rough time. Some more than others, and although I feel grateful for what I have, there is a sense of malaise, a lack of motivation, and unease. I believe that I am not the only one feeling this way; the feeling that we have wasted 2 years of our lives, not knowing when normal lives can resume again, what will travel be like in the future and when are we ever going to see our family and friends that are not in the same country.

Again, if you feel this way, there is no shame in speaking out, no shame in seeking help. I think one of the bravest things recently was the gymnast Simone Biles speaking up during the Olympics. If you are coaching, be aware that your students may feel this way too and may need you to motivate them a little. If you are a coach or a rider that is feeling this way, make sure you speak up. Do not suffer in silence.

Sometimes we think if we admit such things, that we may appear weak or may lose respect from our peers / students but at the end of the day, the ones that care about you will understand and the ones that don’t, their opinion does not matter anyway!